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the diagram shows the manufacturing of ceramic pots

the diagram shows the manufacturing of ceramic pots 70JpX
The diagram shows one of the best for creating ceramic pots. Overall, as can be seen from the diagram the process consists of 12 stages beginning with collection of raw materials and ending up with creating the pots. First of all, in the first stage the crane will dig up the raw materials from the ground. After that, the raw material will be transfer through big tractors. Next the collection of raw materials will put in to a factory for manufacturing. Then, the material will transfer to a crasher pot where it undergoes crushing purpose. After that, they will add some water to the mixture and will transfer to a special shape moulds. After that, the moulds will be dried 4 to 6 hours under the sun. In the next stage, they will assemble the clay pots by removing pots from the moulds. Following this, the pots will put in to oven where it is heated at a temperature of 1, 000 c. Subsequently, the heated pots will proceed to colour transformation. After that, the color pot will put in to a electrical oven to undergo firing. Finally, the special pots are created.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
one of the best for creating ceramic pots.

Overall
, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagram the process consists of 12 stages beginning with collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
and ending up with creating the pots.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the
first
stage the crane will dig up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
from the ground. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
will be transfer through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
tractors.
Next
the collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
will put in to a factory for manufacturing. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
will transfer to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
crasher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pot
where it undergoes crushing purpose. After that, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
water to the mixture and will transfer to a special shape
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
. After that, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
will
be dried
4 to 6 hours under the sun. In the
next
stage, they will assemble the clay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pots
by removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pots
from the
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
. Following this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pots
will put in to oven where it
is heated
at a temperature of 1, 000 c.
Subsequently
, the heated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pots
will proceed to
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
transformation. After that, the color
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pot
will put in to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
electrical oven to undergo firing.
Finally
, the special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pots
are created
.
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IELTS academic the diagram shows the manufacturing of ceramic pots

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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