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The bar graph shows data about three bakeries earning from 2000-2011

The bar graph shows data about three bakeries earning from 2000-2011 mbbLL
The line graph provides information about the yearly income which were earned by various bakeries in London, over a decade (2000-2010). Overall, it can be clearly seen that, the yearly income of 1 and rob dyrdek had upward growth, meanwhile earnings of lovely experienced a downward Trend. Moving ahead, in the year 2000 the earnings of bunn and bek were around 20000 and 58000 respectively. Although bun earnings showed fluctuation but it exited rocks income in 2008 (almost € 60000). Eventually touched its maximum capacity of roughly 62000 in the end of the period. In the meantime the earnings of robs remained steady until 2009. Then, it was significantly by outnumbering lovelies income reached to the highest in the end of 2010. (Approximately 110000). On the other hand, the number of lovely was highest among these three bakeries in 2000. However it dramatically declined to around 60000 in 2007 after that there was a slight decrease in income of lovely and it became the lowest in the end of the period.
The line graph provides information about the yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
which
were earned
by various bakeries in London, over a decade (2000-2010).

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, the yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of 1 and rob
Possible spelling mistake found.
dyrdek
had upward growth, meanwhile
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earnings
of
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lovely
experienced a downward Trend.

Moving ahead, in the year 2000 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
bunn
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bek
were around 20000 and 58000
respectively
. Although bun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it exited rocks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
in 2008 (almost
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "€60000".
€ 60000
).
Eventually
touched its maximum capacity of roughly 62000 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. In the meantime the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
of robs remained steady until 2009. Then, it was
significantly
by outnumbering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lovelies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
reached to the highest in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2010. (Approximately 110000).

On the other hand
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lovely
was highest among these three bakeries in 2000.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it
dramatically
declined to around 60000 in 2007 after that there was a slight decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lovely
and it became the lowest in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic The bar graph shows data about three bakeries earning from 2000-2011

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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