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the bar graph shows change in gross domestic product of different asian countries in fours consecutive years. the pie chart shows different factors that contributes to the gdp along with their share

the bar graph shows change in gross domestic product of different asian countries in fours consecutive years. the pie chart shows different factors that contributes to the gdp along with their share nVp3o
The cluster of bar diagram represents the GDP of the countries which are located in Asia. Whereas, the pie chart depicts the determinants affecting GDP. The data is served for four different years. To initiate with, In 2014 China showed a GDP of 10. 2 lakh crores US dollars which followed an increasing trend and attained its peak of 11. 2 lakh crores US dollars in the ear 2017. India depicts no noticeable increase as its GDP remained between 2 to 2. 5 and making itself the lowest GDP earner in the entire tenure of 4 years. Japan displays static GDP and demonstrated 4. 2 in the year 2014, 2016 and 2018. Population remained the dominant factor that was responsible for the determining the GDP along with the contribution of 25%. Whereas, technology avers statistics of 20% making it the least determinant on which GDP is determined. Overall, China performs well in earning the highest GDP because of its population. However, in India it is not the case.
The cluster of bar diagram represents the GDP of the countries which
are located
in Asia.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the pie chart depicts the determinants affecting GDP. The data
is served
for four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years.

To initiate with, In 2014 China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a GDP of 10. 2 lakh crores US dollars which followed an increasing trend and attained its peak of 11. 2 lakh crores US dollars in the ear 2017. India depicts no noticeable increase as its GDP remained
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2 and 2".
between 2 to 2
. 5 and making itself the lowest GDP earner in the entire tenure of 4 years. Japan displays static GDP and demonstrated 4. 2 in the year 2014, 2016 and 2018.

Population remained the dominant factor that was responsible for the determining the GDP along with the contribution of 25%.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, technology avers statistics of 20% making it the least determinant on which GDP
is determined
.

Overall
, China performs well in earning the highest GDP
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its population.
However
, in India it is not the case.
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IELTS academic the bar graph shows change in gross domestic product of different asian countries in fours consecutive years. the pie chart shows different factors that contributes to the gdp along with their share

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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