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The bar graph show no. Of hours work per week

The bar graph show no. Of hours work per week brE6W
The rendered bar graph illustrates the number of hours worked per week in eight groups and the pie chart indicates the percentum of professions of individuals suffering from stress related illness. Looking at the details of bar graph, it can be clearly seen that the Businessmen and movie Produces spend most of time on work in per week with 70% and 60% respectively. Interestingly, more than 50% work do by doctors in par week. However, least time expend by lecturers in per week accounted as 24%. Moreover, writers, programmers and lawyers perform work only 45%, 40% and 35% respectively. Turning to the details of bar graph, the majority of lectures suffering from stress related illness with 25% while, least number of people suffering from stress related sickness who are programmers accounted as 5%. Surprisingly, a resemblance of 8% can be notice in writers and lawyers who are suffering from stress related disorder. The business men suffering from stress related illness with 11% and 6% more people suffering from stress related disease who are movie producers. Looking from an overall perspective, it is crystal clear that the lectures do less work as compared to other individuals but they are suffering from stress related illness with highest percentum.
The rendered bar graph illustrates the number of hours worked per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in eight groups and the pie chart indicates the
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
of professions of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
. Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of bar graph, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the Businessmen and movie Produces spend
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
with 70% and 60%
respectively
.
Interestingly
, more than 50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
do by doctors in par
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
However
, least time expend by lecturers in per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
accounted as 24%.
Moreover
, writers, programmers and lawyers perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
45%, 40% and 35%
respectively
. Turning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of bar graph, the majority of lectures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
with 25% while,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
sickness who are programmers accounted as 5%.
Surprisingly
, a resemblance of 8% can be notice in writers and lawyers who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
disorder. The business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
with 11% and 6% more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
disease who are movie producers. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the lectures do less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as compared to other individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffering
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
with highest
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph show no. Of hours work per week

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
206 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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