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The bar graph provides information about rate changes in the post-school qualifications in Australia and the ratio of males and females in the year 1999.

The bar graph provides information about rate changes in the post-school qualifications in Australia and the ratio of males and females in the year 1999. NkRm
The bar graph provides information about rate changes in the post-school qualifications in Australia and the ratio of males and females in the year 1999. Overall, it is cleared from the chart. Males are more qualifications than the females. The ratio of female in skilled vocational diploma only 10% than the male are more eligibility is 90%, female is less qualifications on skilled vocational diploma. However, the percentag of female who had undergraduate diploma was 70% and compare to the male around 35% on this qulification men are lower undergraduate diploma. On the bachelor's degree male are about 45%, but female is jump on the 50% more qulifications on bachelor's degree. Australian people who had after-school qualifications, some females doing postgraduate diploma almost 30% and men's doing more postgraduate diploma it is 70% comparing to the females. The percentage of males holding master's degree was one-fith higher than females constituting 40%.
The bar graph provides information about rate
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changes
in the post-school
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qualifications
in Australia and the ratio of
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males
and
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females
in the year 1999.

Overall
, it
is cleared
from the chart.
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Males
are more
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qualifications
than the females.

The ratio of
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female
in skilled vocational
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diploma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% than the male are more eligibility is 90%,
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female
is
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun qualifications is countable.
less
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qualifications
on skilled vocational
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diploma
.
However
, the
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percentag
of
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female
who had undergraduate
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diploma
was 70% and compare to the male around 35% on this
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qulification
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are lower undergraduate
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diploma
. On the bachelor's degree male are about 45%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is jump on the 50% more
Possible spelling mistake found.
qulifications
on bachelor's degree.

Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had after-school
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qualifications
,
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some
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females
doing postgraduate
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diploma
almost 30% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's doing more postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
it is 70% comparing to the
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females
. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
holding master's degree was
Possible spelling mistake found.
one-fith
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
constituting 40%.

IELTS academic The bar graph provides information about rate changes in the post-school qualifications in Australia and the ratio of males and females in the year 1999.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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