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The bar graph describes the results of a survey carried out in example of 25 years old people's factors make modern stressful day life.

The bar graph describes the results of a survey carried out in example of 25 years old people's factors make modern stressful day life. XqYXE
The bar chart depicts the proportion of a survey carried out in a sample of adults to assess some factors make modern stressful day life. Overall, The moving house is higher ratio than other factors for adult's stressful life. While, the problem with neighbors Which is lowest stressful factor than other factors. In Getting work, The 40% people factors that cause stress in modern day life. The bar chart is downward trend from work related worries factor to worries about own future factor. Afterwards, the people's stress level gradually increased in New technology. However, the downward trend again between New technology and Problem with Neighbors. Moving towards, the bar graph is upward trend from approximately 15% in problem with neighbors to almost 78% in Moving house. Next, during problem with neighbors to Moving house, the bar graph is upward trend. Subsequently, youngsters have stress between 30% in Noise problem and 60% in Getting divorced stress. Although, Getting divorced significantly 12% lowest factor than moving house.
The bar chart depicts the proportion of a survey carried out in a sample of adults to assess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
modern stressful day life.

Overall
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is higher ratio than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for adult's stressful life.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with neighbors Which is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
than other factors.

In Getting work, The 40%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
factors
that cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in modern day life. The bar chart is downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
from work related worries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to worries about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
. Afterwards, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level
gradually
increased in New technology.
However
, the downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
again between New technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Problem
with Neighbors.

Moving towards, the bar graph is upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
from approximately 15% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with neighbors to almost 78% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
Next
, during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with neighbors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, the bar graph is upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
Subsequently
, youngsters have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
between 30% in Noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and 60% in Getting divorced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, Getting divorced
significantly
12%
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph describes the results of a survey carried out in example of 25 years old people's factors make modern stressful day life.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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