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The bar graph compares, reasons for traveling and the pie chart shows issues in travelling in the US in 2009

The bar graph compares, reasons for traveling and the pie chart shows issues in travelling in the US in 2009 PLQYJ

In general, to and from work made up a way more than the others, price of travel proportion comprised of the highest portion. Looking at the bar graph in more details, commuting matters accounted for the biggest proportion. shopping and personal reasons are almost the same (16) and (19) for entairtainment reasons people one in ten percentage, for visiting friends and relatives are made up the smallest proportion only (6)A glance at the pie chart reveals that, for traveling public the main issue was price of travel which made up the highest proportion while space for pedestrians was the smallest issue. Safety concerns is about one in five. Aggressive drivers and highway congestion almost the same proportions with negligible difference (17)and (14) access to public transport is comprised of (8)

In general
, to and from work made up a way more than the others, price of travel You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
 comprised of the highest portion. Looking at the bar graph in more This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :particulars
details
, commuting matters accounted for the biggest You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
. This sentence does not start with an uppercase letterShopping
shopping
 and personal reasons are almost the same (16) and (19) for Possible spelling mistake found.entertainment
entairtainment
 reasons This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 one in ten percentage, for visiting friends and relatives are made
 up the smallest You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
 (6)A glance at the pie chart reveals that, for traveling public the main issue was price of travel which made up the highest You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
 while space for pedestrians was the smallest issue. Safety concerns is about one in five. Aggressive drivers and highway congestion almost the same proportions with negligible difference (17)and (14) access to public transport Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of" or "is composed of"?comprisesconsists ofis composed of
is comprised of
 (8)

IELTS academic The bar graph compares, reasons for traveling and the pie chart shows issues in travelling in the US in 2009

Academic

American English

1 paragraphs

129 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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