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The bar chart shows the top ten countries production and consumption of electricity in 2014

The bar chart shows the top ten countries production and consumption of electricity in 2014 KwnD1
The bar chart illustrates information about manufacture and expense of power supply of ten different countries in 2014. Overall, china had most generated power supply capability and costs were almost same. In contrast, Korea, Rep. had the least production ability of power supply with similar cost rate. To begin, China manufacture 5, 398 billion KWh in 2014 and cost were around 5, 322 billion KWh which was the highest rate of production and consumption. The United states manufacture electricity was 4, 099 along with expense were much less 3, 866. According to the chart, Russia, Japan, India and Canada were almost in a similar position. The manufacture and expense of electricity of those four countries were(1057 and 1, 038), (936. 2 and 856. 7), (871 and 698. 81) and (618. 9 and 499. 9). The chart also show that France, Brazil, Germany and Korea, Rep. Were the least production and expense rate of electricity. The rate of those countries were low and the rates were (561. 2 and 426. 9), (530. 7 and 455. 8), (526. 6 and 582. 5) and (485. 1 and 449. 5)
The bar chart illustrates information about
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manufacture
and
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expense
of power supply of ten
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different
countries in 2014.

Overall
, china had most generated power supply capability and costs were almost same.
In contrast
, Korea, Rep. had the least production ability of power supply with similar cost rate.

To
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begin
, China
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manufacture
5, 398 billion
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KWh
in 2014 and cost were around 5, 322 billion
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KWh
which was the highest
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rate
of production and consumption. The
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
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manufacture
electricity was 4, 099 along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
were much less 3, 866. According to the chart, Russia, Japan, India and Canada were almost in a similar position. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
of electricity of those four countries were(1057 and 1, 038), (936. 2 and 856. 7), (871 and 698. 81) and (618. 9 and 499. 9).

The chart
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that France, Brazil, Germany and Korea, Rep. Were the least production and
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expense
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rate
of electricity. The
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rate
of those countries were low and the
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rates
were (561. 2 and 426. 9), (530. 7 and 455. 8), (526. 6 and 582. 5) and (485. 1 and 449. 5)
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the top ten countries production and consumption of electricity in 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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