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The bar chart shows the proportion of Australian school boys and girls that do sports.

The bar chart shows the proportion of Australian school boys and girls that do sports. DNVd6
The bar chart illistrates the percentage of boys and girls ina school of Australia who were involved in different kinds of sports. Overall, football was iextremely popular among young males, whereas girls tended to highly prefer playing netball. Moreover, girls who were not engaged in any type of sport slightly exceeded the number of boys. Obe fifth of school boys preoritized football, as opposed to only around 4% of girls playing it. Almost exact opposite trend occured in netball, where nearly 18% of girls and only 2% of boys took it up as an activity. Both boys and girls enjoyed swimming, accounting for around 15% each, with lesser proportion of boys. Basketball was the second least preferred sport among both genders, amounting to 6% for males and even lesser for females.
The bar chart
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illistrates
the percentage of
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boys
and
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girls
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ina
school of Australia who
were involved
in
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different
kinds of sports.
Overall
, football was
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iextremely
popular among young males, whereas
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girls
tended to
highly
prefer playing netball.
Moreover
,
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girls
who were not engaged in any type of sport
slightly
exceeded the number of
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boys
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Obe
fifth of school
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boys
Possible spelling mistake found.
preoritized
football, as opposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 4% of
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girls
playing it. Almost exact opposite trend
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occured
in netball, where
nearly
18% of
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girls
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% of
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boys
took it up as an activity. Both
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boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
enjoyed swimming, accounting for around 15% each, with lesser proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. Basketball was the second least preferred sport among both genders, amounting to 6% for males and even lesser for females.

IELTS academic The bar chart shows the proportion of Australian school boys and girls that do sports.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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