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The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. p8Va
The chart exhibits the percentage of regularity in physical activity between Australian men and women across various age groups in 2010. Overall, the percentage of Australian women was higher than men. Although the younger men were empirically more active than the women. Firstly, the age groups across 25 to 65 and over shows a higher percentage of female participation in physical activity. The differences in the percentages are quite evident with an exception to the age group 65 and over. For this age group the gap is only about 1%. The highest percentage of women is 53. 3% at the age group of 45-54. However, the percentage of male participation in physical activity is around 5% higher than the female participation among the younger population aged between 15 to 24. The lowest rate of men is found to be at the age of 35-44 years. The women in Australia were more active relative to men as they grew older in physical activity in 2010.
The chart exhibits the
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percentage
of regularity in
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physical
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activity
between Australian
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men
and
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women
across various
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age
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groups
in 2010.
Overall
, the
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percentage
of Australian
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women
was higher than
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men
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the younger
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men
were
empirically
more active than the women.

Firstly
, the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
across 25 to 65 and over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of female participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. The differences in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
are quite evident with an exception to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
65 and over. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
the gap is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 1%. The highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is 53. 3% at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 45-54.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of male participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is around 5% higher than the female participation among the younger population aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 24".
between 15 to 24
. The lowest rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is found
to be at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 35-44 years.

The
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women
in Australia were more active relative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
as they grew older in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in 2010.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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