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The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups 7JdL2
The bar chart compares the proportion of Australian male and female for having daily bases exercises on six different age group in 2010. It is clear that the most physical activity done by mankind took place on 45 to 54 years old. By contrast, male at 35 to 44 years old recorded by far the lowest figures. Women at 45 to 54 years old have the highest percentage of doing exercise for 53. 3%, and the second-highest was just roughly lower than it at 53% which belongs to women at the age range of 55 to 64. Similar to the female at 35 to 44 years old which is at around 52%, and the percentage of females are relatively higher than the male. The proportion of the category of 65 and over has nearly the same figure recorded for both men and women at which 46. 7% for male and 47. 1% for female. The lowest percentage took place on the male at 35 to 44 years old at only 39. 5%. And the portion of male doing regular physical activity is relatively low where they got the range from 39. 5% to 46. 7% in respect to the age group from 25 to 65 or over. But, the percentage of a male at 15 to 24 years old at the only outstanding figures with 52. 8%.
The bar chart compares the proportion of Australian male and
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female
for having daily bases exercises on six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age group in 2010.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the most physical activity done by mankind took place on 45 to 54 years
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old
. By contrast, male at 35 to 44 years
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old
recorded by far the lowest figures.

Women at 45 to 54 years
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old
have the highest
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percentage
of doing exercise for 53. 3%, and the second-highest was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
roughly lower than it at 53% which belongs to women at the age range of 55 to 64. Similar to the
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female
at 35 to 44 years
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old
which is at around 52%, and the
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percentage
of
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females
are
relatively
higher than the male.

The proportion of the category of 65 and over has
nearly
the same figure recorded for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women at which 46. 7% for male and 47. 1% for
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female
. The lowest
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percentage
took place on the male at 35 to 44 years
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old
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
39. 5%. And the portion of male doing regular physical activity is
relatively
low where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the range from 39. 5% to 46. 7% in respect to the age group from 25 to 65 or over.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
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percentage
of a male at 15 to 24 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
outstanding figures with 52. 8%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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