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The bar chart shows the information about the number of students take drugs in New Zealand and it's measured in percentage

The bar chart shows the information about the number of students take drugs in New Zealand and it's measured in percentage Pg3VK
The bar chart illustrates information on the quantity of drugs school children in New Zealand take, divided by gender and measured in percentage. Overall, it is immediately apparent that hashish and marijuana is used more than any of the other drugs, whereas LSD is used the least. At frist glance we can see that boys take more drugs than girls for 6 out of 7of the drugs listed, however an equal number of boys and girls take cocaine. To begin with, boys use more hashish or marijuana than girls at around 33% and 29% respectively. Following this boys take heroin, opium or morphine at approximately 8% but girls at only 5%. On the other hand, the percentage for amphetamines and solvents are similar for both boys and girls at 2% and 3% for girls and 4% for both drugs for boys. Next, the pattern for LSD and medical drugs is exactly the same for both the gender at 1%for girls and 3%for boys. Finally boys and girls take cocaine at the same level.
The bar chart illustrates information on the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
school children in New Zealand take, divided by gender and measured in percentage.

Overall
, it is immediately apparent that hashish and marijuana is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more than any of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, whereas LSD is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the least.

At
Possible spelling mistake found.
frist
glance we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
for 6 out of 7of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
listed,
however
an equal number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
take cocaine. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more hashish or marijuana than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
at around 33% and 29%
respectively
. Following
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
take heroin, opium or morphine at approximately 8%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%.

On the other hand
, the percentage for amphetamines and solvents are similar for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
at 2% and 3% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and 4% for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
Next
, the pattern for LSD and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is exactly the same for both the gender at 1%for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and 3%for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
take cocaine at the same level.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the information about the number of students take drugs in New Zealand and it's measured in percentage

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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