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change of music sales in three methods

change of music sales in three methods x2o2g
The line graph illustrates changes in the levels of music sales in three methods from 2011 to 2018 and is measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that the three selling methods have various patterns of growth. It is clear that in 2011, people were more likely to buy CDs, at approximately 55%. The figure was 20% and 50% higher than those of downloads and streams. But, the percentage of CDs purchased decreased gradually every year and hit its lowest point at around 25% in 2018. On the other hand, while the stream method was not favorable in the beginning, its proportion grew considerably from about 5% in 2011 to around 41% at the end of the period, surpassing all the other ways of obtaining music. Downloads had less dramatic growth than streams and CDs purchased. It stood at around 35% in 2011 and increased steadily to around 43% in 2014, overtaking CD sales. Nonetheless, it fell slowly to about 30% in 2018.
The line graph illustrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the levels of music sales in three methods from 2011 to 2018 and
is measured
in percentage.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the three selling methods have various patterns of growth.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 2011,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, at approximately 55%. The figure was 20% and 50% higher than those of downloads and streams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
decreased
gradually
every year and hit its lowest point at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
25% in 2018.
On the other hand
, while the stream method was not favorable in the beginning, its proportion grew
considerably
from about 5% in 2011 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
41% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, surpassing all the other ways of obtaining music.

Downloads had less dramatic growth than streams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
. It stood at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
35% in 2011 and increased
steadily
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
43% in 2014, overtaking CD sales. Nonetheless, it fell
slowly
to about 30% in 2018.
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IELTS academic change of music sales in three methods

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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