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The bar chart shows the estimated sales nationally of silver goods for two companies next year

The bar chart shows the estimated sales nationally of silver goods for two companies next year bE2EB
The bar chart shows the estimated sales nationally of silver goods like CD players, Walkmans, etc for two companies next year. The most striking feature is that both companies will have an increase sales. Mark Jones Ltd starts at 450000 units of sales good in January. However, the sales drop to 200000 units in February and gradually recover until 400000 units in June. Then it is predicted to be stable from June to August, rising at 600000 units in September and October with the peak in December at 900000 units. Meanwhile sales at Meteor Products Ltd will stand at 150000 units in January, falling back at 100000 units in February, rising steadily until August at 500000 units. Sales will remain steady from August to November and by December it will reach its peak at 600000 units. Regarding the pie chart, the projected market share at the end of next year of Meteor Products Ltd and Mark Jones Ltd are 50% and 30% respectively, with the remaining of market value is shared by other companies.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the estimated
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sales
nationally
of silver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
like CD players,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Walkmans
, etc for two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
next
year. The most striking feature is that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will have an increase
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sales
. Mark Jones Ltd
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at 450000
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units
of
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sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in January.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
drop to 200000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in February and
gradually
recover until 400000
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units
in June. Then it
is predicted
to be stable from June to August, rising at 600000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in September and October with the peak in December at 900000 units.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
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sales
at Meteor Products Ltd will stand at 150000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in January, falling back at 100000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in February, rising
steadily
until August at 500000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
will remain steady from August to November and by December it will reach its peak at 600000 units.

Regarding the pie chart, the projected market share at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
next
year of Meteor Products Ltd and Mark Jones Ltd are 50% and 30%
respectively
, with the remaining of market value
is shared
by other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

IELTS academic The bar chart shows the estimated sales nationally of silver goods for two companies next year

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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