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The bar chart shows percentage in five activities of how children spend their free time in Australia

The bar chart shows percentage in five activities of how children spend their free time in Australia Q8VOL
The bar chart shows percentage in five activities of how children spend their free time in Australia. Overall, the boys outweigh the girls in many activities except for activity art and craft. However, both gender score 100 per cent for Watching TV or Videos which indicates the most popular activity by Australian aged between 5 to 14 years during their leisure time. The boys has greater percentage for three types of activities which are skateboarding or rollerblading with 40 per cent, bike riding with 70 per cent and electronic or computer games with 80 per cent. Meanwhile, the girls tailing behind with 30 per cent for skateboarding or rollerblading and 60 per cent for both activities such bike riding and electronic or computer games. The girls are more interested to spend their free time for art and craft. Therefore, their percentage are higher compared to the boys. The girls achieved 55 per cent and the boys followed with only 40 per cent.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
percentage in five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of how children spend their free time in Australia.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
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activity
art and craft.

However
, both gender score 100 per cent for Watching TV or Videos which indicates the most popular
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activity
by Australian aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 5 and 14".
between 5 to 14
years during their leisure time.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
greater percentage for three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which are skateboarding or rollerblading with 40 per cent, bike riding with 70 per cent and electronic or computer games with 80 per cent. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
tailing behind with 30 per cent for skateboarding or rollerblading and 60 per cent for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such bike riding and electronic or computer games.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are more interested to spend their free time for art and craft.
Therefore
, their percentage are higher compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
achieved 55 per cent and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
followed with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40 per cent.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows percentage in five activities of how children spend their free time in Australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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