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the bar chart shows moblie usage in a country by age group 1998 to 2000.

the bar chart shows moblie usage in a country by age group 1998 to 2000. gDk2O
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of the people who use the telephone in a nation from the different age groups between 1998 and 2000. Overall, the proportion of people age 16-30-year-old used the mobile phone the most, while that for less than 15 aged people was the opposite. Starting with less than 15 and 16-30 years, there was about 2% in the level of people under 15-year-old in 1998, whereas that for 16-30 aged accounted for around 53% in 1998, after which the rate of people who 16-30 years old declined slightly to nearly 44% by 2000. The figures for people under 15-year-old, however, rose minimally to roughly 9% by 2000. Moving to others, took up about 41% in terms of the proportion of people who 31-59 years old in 1998, before falling moderately to roughly 39% in 1999 and this figure continued to decrease gradually to around 37% by 2000. Additionally, the rate of 50 or more people comprised of 4% in 1998 and it experienced significant growth to be nearly 10% by 2000.
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of the
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the telephone in a nation from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups between 1998 and 2000.
Overall
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
age 16-30-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the mobile phone the most, while that for less than 15 aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was the opposite. Starting with less than 15 and 16-30 years, there was about 2% in the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 15-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in 1998, whereas that for 16-30 aged accounted for around 53% in 1998, after which the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who 16-30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
declined
slightly
to
nearly
44% by 2000. The figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 15-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
however
, rose
minimally
to roughly 9% by 2000. Moving to others, took up about 41% in terms of the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who 31-59 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in 1998,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling
moderately
to roughly 39% in 1999 and this figure continued to decrease
gradually
to around 37% by 2000.
Additionally
, the rate of 50 or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comprised of 4% in 1998 and it experienced significant growth to be
nearly
10% by 2000.
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IELTS academic the bar chart shows moblie usage in a country by age group 1998 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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