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enrolled adolescents in four distinctive countries

enrolled adolescents in four distinctive countries Q8JPK
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of enrolled adolescents in four distinctive countries in three different years with the five years interval, starting from 2000. Overall, it can be seen from the chart that country A and D experienced upward trends over the given period; on the contrary, country B and C stayed steady trend. Began with the least amount of percentage from the chart, country A occupied just under 40%. With a gradual increase over years, it reached nearly 60% which was higher than country B and C in the given period. Moreover, the proportion of enrolled adolescents in country D reached the highest percentage since 2000 and continued a dramatic rise to 80% in the next decade. Moving on to an unshakeable trend, a steady trend was occupied by country B and C. The former country initially started with 40%, then slightly increase in the five-year following. Ultimately, country B ended up with the same amount of proportion as the beginning of the 20th. Additionally, the initial rate of attended students in country C registered at about 50%, then there was a marginal fall in the next five years, and it remained steady at roughly 50%. `
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the proportion of enrolled adolescents in four distinctive
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countries
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years with the five years interval, starting from 2000.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
A and D experienced upward trends over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period;
on the contrary
,
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country
B and C stayed steady trend.

Began with the least amount of percentage from the chart,
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country
A occupied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 40%. With a gradual increase over years, it reached
nearly
60% which was higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
B and C in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
Moreover
, the proportion of enrolled adolescents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
D reached the highest percentage since 2000 and continued a dramatic rise to 80% in the
next
decade.

Moving on to an
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unshakeable
trend, a steady trend
was occupied
by
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country
B and C. The former
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country
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 40%, then
slightly
increase in the five-year following.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
B ended up with the same amount of proportion as the beginning of the 20th.
Additionally
, the initial rate of attended students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
C registered at about 50%, then there was a marginal fall in the
next
five years, and it remained steady at roughly 50%. `

IELTS academic enrolled adolescents in four distinctive countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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