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The bar chart show the proportion of male and female studying art-related courses in a Uk university in 2011.

The bar chart show the proportion of male and female studying art-related courses in a Uk university in 2011. Pgn0K
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of art-related courses learned by different gender in a London university in 2011. Overall, the female constituted the most enrolled undergraduates than the male in the period given. Both the male and female major mostly in English language and literature course. The last subject was history and archeology as compared to philosophy. In terms of the English language and literature, female studying this course accounted for 250% as opposed to the male which comprised around 230% of students. Similarly, in linguistics, women rose to around 240% than men which were about 180% registration. Females in the communication and media course are over 200% and slightly higher than the male students which comprised of 210 percent. On the other hand, the number of male scholars in arts and design subject stood at above 180% than their female counterpart at around 160% respectively.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of art-related
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courses
learned by
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different
gender in a London university in 2011.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
constituted the most enrolled undergraduates than the male in the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Both the male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
major
mostly
in English language and literature
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course
. The last subject was history and archeology as compared to philosophy.

In terms of the English language and literature,
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female
studying this
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course
accounted for 250% as opposed to the male which comprised around 230% of students.
Similarly
, in linguistics, women rose to around 240% than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
which were about 180% registration.
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Females
in the communication and media
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course
are over 200% and
slightly
higher than the male students
Did you mean "which comprised" or "which consisted of" or "which was composed of"?
which comprised of
210 percent.

On the other hand
, the number of male scholars in arts and design subject stood at above 180% than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
counterpart at around 160%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart show the proportion of male and female studying art-related courses in a Uk university in 2011.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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