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The bar chart show the percentage of Australian men and women involves in physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart show the percentage of Australian men and women involves in physical activity in 2010. 0a6w3
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of various age groups of men and women of Australia involved in physical tasks in 2010. Overall, it is evident from the comparison that females were more remained in athletics than males. To begin with, youth of 15 to 24 years of mens were took part in ground activities was about 52. 8 percent, whereas women of the same age group shared at 47. 7 percent. In addition, matures between 25 and 34 years remarked 42. 2% and 48. 9% gents and ladies respectively. Moreover, old group of 35 to 44 years, women were took more part in physical games compared to males of these group, which was about 50. 5 percentage and 39. 5 percentage individually. Consequently, females between 45 and 54 years were most interested in physical tasks, which was about 53. 3 %, while the same age group of boys shared at 43. 1% in body activities. Furthermore, ancients between 55 to 64 years, males were saw the least curiosity in play compared to women, which was about 45. 1% and 53% separately. However, over 65 years group contributed an equal ration in the physical tasks, which was about 46. 7% of mens and 47. 7% of women’s.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of various age
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groups
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of Australia involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tasks in 2010.

Overall
, it is evident from the comparison that females were more remained in athletics than males.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youth of 15 to 24 years of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mens
were
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
took
part in ground activities was about 52. 8 percent, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
shared at 47. 7 percent.
In addition
, matures between 25 and 34 years remarked 42. 2% and 48. 9% gents and ladies
respectively
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 35 to 44 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
took
more part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
games compared to males of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, which was about 50. 5 percentage and 39. 5 percentage
individually
.

Consequently
, females between 45 and 54 years were most interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tasks, which was about 53. 3 %, while the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of boys shared at 43. 1% in body activities.
Furthermore
, ancients
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 55 and 64".
between 55 to 64
years, males were
Consider using a past participle here: "sawed", "sawn", "seen".
saw
the least curiosity in play compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, which was about 45. 1% and 53%
separately
.
However
, over 65 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
contributed an equal ration in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tasks, which was about 46. 7% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mens
and 47. 7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart show the percentage of Australian men and women involves in physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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