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the bar chart show the gobal sale of different types of digital games between

the bar chart show the gobal sale of different types of digital games between dlByd
The bar chart illustrates the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. In general, the handheld games had highest rates from 2000 to 2006, however it enlarged more types of digital games like online games, mobile phone games. In detail, the handheld games accounted for 10 bilions of dollars, followed by console games with nearly 6 bilions of dollars while there no appearance of mobile phone games anh online game in 2000. In the next years, notstanding that handheld game took possession of typles of digital games, others also gradually increased. In 2004, the sales of mobile games and online game were the same and approximate console games. Among types of digitak games console games was lowest meanwhile online made up half of handheld games with 8 bilions of dollars, next was mobile phone games more than 6 bilions of dollars in 2006.
The bar chart illustrates the global sales (in billions of
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dollars)
of
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different
types of digital
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games
between 2000 and 2006.
In general
, the handheld
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games
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
rates from 2000 to 2006,
however
it enlarged more types of digital
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games
like
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online
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games
, mobile phone
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games
. In detail, the handheld
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games
accounted for 10
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bilions
of
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dollars
, followed by console
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games
with
nearly
6
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bilions
of
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dollars
while there no appearance of mobile phone
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games
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anh
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online
game in 2000.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
next
years,
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notstanding
that handheld game took possession of
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typles
of digital
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games
, others
also
gradually
increased.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2004, the sales of mobile
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games
and
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online
game were the same and approximate console
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games
. Among types of
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digitak
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games
console
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games
was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
meanwhile
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online
made up half of handheld
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games
with 8
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bilions
of
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dollars
,
next
was mobile phone
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games
more than 6
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bilions
of
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dollars
in 2006.
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IELTS academic the bar chart show the gobal sale of different types of digital games between

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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