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illustrates the global sales (in billions of dollars) of various types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

illustrates the global sales (in billions of dollars) of various types of digital games between 2000 and 2006 G9eEB
The bar illustrates the global sales (in billions of dollars) of various types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. In general, the handheld sport had the highest rates from 2000 to 2006, however it enlarged more types of digital games like online business, mobile phone sport. In detail, the handheld games accounted for 10 billions of greenback, followed by console business with nearly 6 billions of dollars while there no appearance of mobile phone business and networked game in 2000. In the next years, notwithstanding that handheld game took possession of types of digital sport, others also gradually increased. In 2004, the sales of mobile play and online game were the same and approximate console games. Among types of digital play console sport was the lowest meanwhile online made up half of handheld sport with 8 billions of greenback, next was mobile phone business more than 6 billions of currency in 2006.
The bar illustrates the global sales (in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
of dollars) of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
between 2000 and 2006.
In general
, the handheld
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sport
had the highest rates from 2000 to 2006,
however
it enlarged more
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types
of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like online
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business
, mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. In detail, the handheld
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games
accounted for 10
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billions
of greenback, followed by console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with
nearly
6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
of dollars while there no appearance of mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and networked game in 2000.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
next
years, notwithstanding that handheld game took possession of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, others
also
gradually
increased.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2004, the sales of mobile play and online game were the same and approximate console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of digital play console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
was the lowest meanwhile online made up half of handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
with 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
of greenback,
next
was mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
more than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
of currency in 2006.
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IELTS academic illustrates the global sales (in billions of dollars) of various types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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