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the bar chart show the amount of snowfall at three Canadian ski resorts

the bar chart show the amount of snowfall at three Canadian ski resorts mb0AK
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of snowfall at three ski resorts, namely Viking Moutain, Snowbury, and Power Peak in Canada between November and December. Overall, the amount of snowfall in Viking mountain and Snowbury increase over the period shown. While Power Peak shows a steady decline in its figures. As can be seen from the chart, in Viking mountain, the snowfall accounts for the lowest with over 8 centimetres in November then go up minimally around 12 centimetres in December. The proportion of snowfall in Snowbury in November is two times higher than that of Viking mountain, at around 18 centimetres, and hit the highest of snowfall in December. In contrast to Powder Peak, the snowfall lead the way with over 38 centimetres in November, however, a two-month period witnesses a decrease of 20 centimetres in the amount of snowfall.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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snowfall
at three ski resorts,
namely
Viking
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Moutain
,
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Snowbury
, and Power Peak in Canada between November and December.

Overall
, the amount of
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snowfall
in Viking mountain and
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Snowbury
increase over the period shown.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Power Peak
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a steady decline in its figures.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, in Viking mountain, the
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snowfall
accounts for the lowest with over 8
Possible spelling mistake. 'centimetres' is British English.
centimetres
in November then go up
minimally
around 12
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centimetres
in December. The proportion of
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snowfall
in
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Snowbury
in November is two times higher than that of Viking mountain, at around 18
Possible spelling mistake. 'centimetres' is British English.
centimetres
, and hit the highest of
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snowfall
in December.

In contrast
to Powder Peak, the
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snowfall
lead the way with over 38
Possible spelling mistake. 'centimetres' is British English.
centimetres
in November,
however
, a two-month period witnesses a decrease of 20
Possible spelling mistake. 'centimetres' is British English.
centimetres
in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snowfall
.

IELTS academic the bar chart show the amount of snowfall at three Canadian ski resorts

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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