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The bar chart represents the proportion of men and women who taught in seven various faculties of a major University in 2012.

The bar chart represents the proportion of men and women who taught in seven various faculties of a major University in 2012. we6ne
The bar chart represents the proportion of men and women who taught in seven various faculties of a major University in 2012. Overall, in 2012 academic proportion was mainly male dominated whereas education had highest percentage of female academics. First of all, the bar chart shows 85 percentage of engineering teachers were male and only 15% female. And also three quarter of academic staff in education were women with just 25 % males. Even though, other faculties balanced their composition. In medicine, gender representation was almost equal while in arts subject's more than half were 55% females. Interestingly, the business and science had the same proportion of men and women with 65% male and 35% female, law had a slightly higher percentage of women at 40%. Although, the faculties of engineering, business, science and law were still primarily male dominated in 2012, women's made up the faculties of medicine and thereby dominated education and arts in 2012.
The bar chart represents the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who taught in seven various faculties of a major University in 2012.
Overall
, in 2012 academic proportion was
mainly
male dominated whereas education had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
academics.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
85 percentage of engineering teachers were male and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
. And
also
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
three quarter
of academic staff in education were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
25 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
Even though
, other faculties balanced their composition. In medicine, gender representation was almost equal while in arts subject's more than half were 55%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Interestingly
, the business and science had the same proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with 65% male and 35%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, law had a
slightly
higher percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at 40%. Although, the faculties of engineering, business, science and law were
still
primarily
male dominated in 2012, women's made up the faculties of medicine and thereby dominated education and arts in 2012.
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IELTS academic The bar chart represents the proportion of men and women who taught in seven various faculties of a major University in 2012.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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