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The bar chart illustrates the number of worldwide sales of video games for four different kinds, namely mobile phones, online, console and handheld device from 2000 to 2006.

The bar chart illustrates the number of worldwide sales of video games for four different kinds, namely mobile phones, online, console and handheld device from 2000 to 2006. R5PJP
The bar chart illustrates the number of worldwide sales of video games for four different kinds, namely mobile phones, online, console and handheld device from 2000 to 2006. Overall, it is clear that sales of games for three of four platforms rose significantly while the figure for console games slightly declined over the period. According to the data, the global sales of handheld games had nearly 12 billion dollars in 2000, whereas the sale for console game was must lower at approximately 6 billion dollars. The figures for mobile phone and online games did not appear at that year. Over the next three years, the number of sale for handheld games increase to around 12. 5 billion dollars. In contrast, the trend for console games decreased slightly to 5 billion dollars. Sales of both mobile phone and online game were around 2 billion dollars. To draw a comparison, the figure for handheld games has a steady rise to reach the highest point 17 billion dollar in 2006. On the other hand, the number of console games reached its lowest point 3 billion dollar at that year. Meanwhile, revenue from online and console game were around 9 and 7 billion dollar respectively.
The bar chart illustrates the number of worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds,
namely
mobile phones,
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online
,
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console
and handheld device from 2000 to 2006.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for three of four platforms rose
significantly
while the figure for
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console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
slightly
declined over the period.

According to the data, the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
had
nearly
12
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billion
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dollars
in 2000, whereas the
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sale
for
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console
game was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
lower at approximately 6
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
. The figures for mobile phone and
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
did not appear at that year. Over the
next
three years, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
for handheld
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games
increase to around 12. 5
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
In contrast
, the trend for
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console
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games
decreased
slightly
to 5
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
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Sales
of both mobile phone and
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online
game were around 2
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billion
dollars.

To draw a comparison, the figure for handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has a steady rise to reach the highest point 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
in 2006.
On the other hand
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
reached its lowest point 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
at that year. Meanwhile, revenue from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
console
game were around 9 and 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the number of worldwide sales of video games for four different kinds, namely mobile phones, online, console and handheld device from 2000 to 2006.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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