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Venues and ticket prices for single vs family

Venues and ticket prices for single vs family 0M1b3
The first chart provides information about the number of attendees at different venues in the year 2009. Cinemas registered the highest number of admissions at over 1 million while sports venues had the lowest at just under 200, 000 admissions. Theme parks recorded a number in between at around 400, 000 admissions in 2009. The second chart illustrates the ticket prices at the various venues for an individual or a family. The 3 most expensive tickets were claimed by the football venues in the range of $70-75 for a single ticket and $280-298 for family tickets. Cinema halls had the lowest ticket cost in both categories.
The
first
chart provides information about the number of attendees at
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different
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venues
in the year 2009. Cinemas registered the highest number of admissions at over 1 million while sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
had the lowest at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 200, 000 admissions. Theme parks recorded a number in between at around 400, 000 admissions in 2009.

The second chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
prices at the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
for an individual or a family. The 3 most expensive
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tickets
were claimed
by the football
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venues
in the range of $70-75 for a single
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ticket
and $280-298 for family
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tickets
. Cinema halls had the lowest
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ticket
cost in both categories.
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IELTS academic Venues and ticket prices for single vs family

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
106 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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