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The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female students selecting six major subjects in a US college in the year 2010

The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female students selecting six major subjects in a US college in the year 2010 peymD
The bar chart compares the preference of students at a US university in 2010 in six main majors. It is clear from graph that the number of students choosing finance and engineering is nearly equal in males and females, compared with the disparity in other areas. A closer look at the finance area shows that male and female students have the same number approximately 230, which is also the highest number on record. By contrast, the number of students selecting engineering is just over 50 students in both sexes. Turning to other subjects, we can see that economics and mathematics attract more male than female students. The figure for male mathematics students was 200, as against just only 60 female students. The statistic for male economics scholars was almost twice as higher as female economics students. The opposite trend can be seen in marketing and accounting, female scholars tend to select two subjects more than male scholars. 130 and 80 students are the numbers of females and males choosing marketing. Similarly, in accounting, the figure for female students is 30 higher than male students.
The bar chart compares the preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at a US university in 2010 in six main majors. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from graph that the
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number
of
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students
choosing finance and engineering is
nearly
equal in
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males
and
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females
, compared with the disparity in other areas. A closer look at the finance area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that male and
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the same
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number
approximately 230, which is
also
the highest
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number
on record. By contrast, the
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number
of
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students
selecting engineering is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 50
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students
in both sexes. Turning to other subjects, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that economics and mathematics attract more male than
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The figure for male mathematics
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students
was 200, as against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The statistic for male economics scholars was almost twice as
Did you mean "high"?
higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
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female
economics
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students
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
opposite trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in marketing and accounting,
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female
scholars tend to select two subjects more than male scholars. 130 and 80
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students
are the
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numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
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males
choosing marketing.
Similarly
, in accounting, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is 30 higher than male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.

IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female students selecting six major subjects in a US college in the year 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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