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how many people work in three diferent sectors of economy

how many people work in three diferent sectors of economy rbyON
The chart graph gives information about how many people work in three diferent sectors of economy in Great Britain over the span of ten years from 2000 to 2010. There are public, private and self-employed. Overall, it can be seen that public and self-emloyed sectors showed simmilar tand: the number of workers increased gradually during the time from 2006 to 2010. Whereas in private sector we see the opposite trand. The amount of people who had a job in public sector and was self-employed did not have a big change during two years in the begining of period. Then the amount of employies in public sector increased moderately. Compared to this trand, self-emloyed expiriensed opposite, but by 2005 it started to grow and in the end of decade reached 30 million. Private sector started at under 50, after that went down consistenly. In 2010 the data became 20, it was the lowest point. In conclusion, the the majority of the UK citizens worked in public sector and was self-emploeyd. The others had job in private sector, which numbers of that tipe of job decreased over the span.
The chart graph gives information about how
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many
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people
work in three
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diferent
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sectors
of economy in Great Britain over the span of ten years from 2000 to 2010. There are
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public
, private and self-employed.

Overall
, it can be
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seen
that
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public
and
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self-emloyed
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sectors
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showed
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simmilar
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tand
: the number of workers increased
gradually
during the time from 2006 to 2010.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
in private
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sector
we
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see
the opposite
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trand
.

The amount of
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people
who had a job in
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public
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sector
and was self-employed did not have a
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big
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change
during two years in the
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begining
of period. Then the amount of
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employies
in
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
increased
moderately
. Compared to this
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trand
,
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self-emloyed
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expiriensed
opposite,
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but
by 2005 it
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started
to grow and in the
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end
of decade reached 30 million.

Private
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sector
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started
at under 50, after that went down
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consistenly
. In 2010 the data became 20, it was the lowest point.

In conclusion
,
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the the
majority of the UK citizens worked in
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public
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sector
and was
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self-emploeyd
. The others had job in private
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sector
, which numbers of that
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tipe
of job decreased over the span.

IELTS academic how many people work in three diferent sectors of economy

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
187 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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