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compare two bar charts of deaths & funding for 6 diseases in someland

compare two bar charts of deaths & funding for 6 diseases in someland M3NDN
The first bar chart illustrate the deaths in a country due to 6 types of diseases in 1990 & 2nd bar chart shows the allocated funding to particular illnesses for medical researches. Overall highest number of people have died due to TB as about 1. 75M & lowest deaths of about 0. 2M have recorded to leprosy. But the highest funding have given to AIDS & lowest is to TB. There are nearly 0. 25M people have died from AIDS & 180M of money used for medical researches. 0. 2M & 0. 3M humans lost lives from leprosy & tropical diseases. Approximately 80M funds have reserved for both separately. Diarrhea & Malaria have lost nearly 0. 5M & 0. 4M human beings. Minimum fund amount has been given to the maximum deaths recorded disease as about 25M. Number of deaths Vs allocated funding have an inverse relationship since illnesses like AIDS, leprosy are serious diseases though it's death rate is low. Hence priority has given based on the criticalness of the illness & not the number of deaths.
The
first
bar chart illustrate the deaths in a country due to 6 types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in 1990 & 2nd bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the allocated funding to particular illnesses for medical researches.

Overall
highest number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to TB as about 1. 75M & lowest deaths of about 0. 2M have recorded to leprosy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the highest funding have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to AIDS & lowest is to TB.

There are
nearly
0. 25M
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from AIDS & 180M of money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for medical researches. 0. 2M & 0. 3M humans lost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from leprosy & tropical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. Approximately 80M funds have reserved for both
separately
. Diarrhea & Malaria have lost
nearly
0. 5M & 0. 4M human beings. Minimum fund amount has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the maximum deaths recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
as about 25M.

Number of deaths Vs allocated funding have an inverse relationship since illnesses like AIDS, leprosy are serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
though it's death rate is low.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
priority has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
based on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
criticalness
of the illness & not the number of deaths.

IELTS academic compare two bar charts of deaths & funding for 6 diseases in someland

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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