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The bar chart illustrates the amount of times that three computer packages got downloaded from the internet per week (in 1000s) over five weeks.

The bar chart illustrates the amount of times that three computer packages got downloaded from the internet per week (in 1000s) over five weeks. yReN3
The bar chart illustrates the amount of times that three computer packages got downloaded from the internet per week (in 1000s) over five weeks. Overall, it can be seen that ActiveX was the most opted for throughout the period while Net was the least favoured one. Java number of downloads steadily increased over time as it started from 70000 downloads in the first week and ended the period with 130000 downloads. Meanwhile both ActiveX and Net saw fluctuations over time. ActiveX started with 60000 downloads in week one and climbed up gradually until the 4th week where it witnessed a slight drop of 10000 downloads. It’s numbers rose again in the last week and finished the period with 130000 downloads. Net on the other hand, started with 30000 downloads in the beginning and saw a drop until the third week which had decreased to 20000 downloads. However, the numbers climbed up again until the 5th week which saw 50000 downloads.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of times that three computer packages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
downloaded from the internet per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
(
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1000s".
in 1000s
) over five weeks.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that ActiveX was the most opted for throughout the period while Net was the least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
one.

Java number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
steadily
increased over time as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 70000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
and ended the period with 130000 downloads.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
both ActiveX and Net
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
fluctuations over time. ActiveX
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 60000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
one and climbed up
gradually
until the 4th
It is better to use 'week' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "week when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
week where
it witnessed a slight drop of 10000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
. It’s numbers rose again in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
and finished the period with 130000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
. Net
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 30000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
in the beginning and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a drop until the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
which had decreased to 20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
.
However
, the numbers climbed up again until the 5th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
50000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the amount of times that three computer packages got downloaded from the internet per week (in 1000s) over five weeks.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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