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The bar chart illustrates Australian people’s regular physical activities to certain age groups with both genders in 2010.

The bar chart illustrates Australian people’s regular physical activities to certain age groups with both genders in 2010. 26d6b
The bar chart illustrates Australian people’s regular physical activities to certain age groups with both genders in 2010. First of all, there are six different age groups which are include the age between 15-65 for each gender. The women’s physical activities peaked the enormous percentage at the ages of 15-24. At the middle age, the women have less body motion, also between the 35-45 ages, this ratio falls down to 39. 5 %. Between the 25-34 and the 45-54 percentages of physical activities in women's lives are nearly equal. The gender of men’s physical activities has completely different figures on the chart. Australian men's physical activity increased mostly in the middle ages, such as between the ages of 35-44 and 45-54 and 55-64, in addition to activities in these ranges are approximately equal. In the 65 and over age group men and women has the almost equivalent percentage of physical activities proportion with 46. 7 % and 47. 1% respectively. Overall, all of the physical activities can be changeable with the different percentage in all different people groups live in Australia.
The bar chart illustrates Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
with both genders in 2010.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
which are
Consider using a past participle here: "included".
include
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between 15-65 for each gender. The women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
peaked the enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of 15-24. At the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, the women have less body motion,
also
between the 35-45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, this ratio falls down to 39. 5 %. Between the 25-34 and the 45-54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in women's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
nearly
equal.

The gender of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
figures on the chart. Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
increased
mostly
in the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, such as between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of 35-44 and 45-54 and 55-64,
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in these ranges are approximately equal. In the 65 and over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women has the almost equivalent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
proportion with 46. 7 % and 47. 1%
respectively
.

Overall
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be changeable with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Australia.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates Australian people’s regular physical activities to certain age groups with both genders in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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