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The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.

The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009. YLkxN
The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009. In the first two years,  the number of houses built in these two cities was similar, near 50 houses. Then Derby presented upward trend, having 100 houses built  in 2003. Then from 2004 to 2007, this figure flattened out,  around 120 annually. In last two years,  this figure dramatically increased in Derby, up to about 280 in 2008 and close to 350 in 2009. The number of houses built in Nottingham presented unsteady trend. After a sudden drop in 2003 to around 20, this figure gradually increased until 2005, around 75 houses built in 2005. In the last four years, this figure dramatically varied. There were only around 10 houses built in 2006 and 2008; but, in 2007 and 2009, it soared to 250 and 300 respectively. Overall, more houses had been built annually in Derby than those in Nottingham, except in the first tow years and the year of 2007. Real estate market in Derby was better than that in Nottingham during the period.
The bar chart illustrated the amount of
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houses
constructed yearly in two cities
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(
Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.

In the
first
two years,
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the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
 built in these two cities was similar, near 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
. Then Derby presented upward trend, having 100
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houses
built
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
in 2003. Then from 2004 to 2007, this figure flattened out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 around
120
annually
. In last two years,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
this figure
dramatically
increased in Derby, up to about 280 in 2008 and close to 350 in 2009.

The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built in Nottingham presented unsteady trend. After a sudden drop in 2003 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
20, this figure
gradually
increased until 2005,
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around
75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built in 2005. In the last four years, this figure
dramatically
varied. There were 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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around
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
built in 2006 and 2008;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in 2007 and 2009, it soared to 250 and 300
respectively
.

Overall
, more
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houses
had
been built
annually
in Derby than those in Nottingham, except in the
first
tow years and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2007. Real estate market in Derby was better than that in Nottingham during the period.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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