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The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle. On the other hand, second pie chart describes the reasons why people go to work by car.

The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle. On the other hand, second pie chart describes the reasons why people go to work by car. jRDEX
The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle. On the other hand, second pie chart describes the reasons why people go to work by car. Overall, what stands out from the diagrams is that the percentages of people who are concerned about health and fitness, pollution are same for those, who go to job by bicycle. Whereas, most people head to work by car because of comfort. In details, 30% of humans gave reasons of travelling by bicycle to work, because it is healthier than driving. Similarly, 30 % are also saving nature from pollution as cycle does not contribute pollution. Only 12% gave the reason as it is faster than driving. On the other hand, two-fifth of individuals find comfort in car which is the highest among all other reasons. The two least important reasons for going to work by car, with 14% and 11% respectively, is that people need to carry things to work and that it is safer than cycling to work.
The
first
pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle.
On the other hand
, second pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by car.

Overall
, what stands out from the diagrams is that the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are concerned
about health and fitness, pollution are same for those, who go to job by bicycle.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
head to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of comfort.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, 30% of humans gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of travelling by bicycle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is healthier than driving.
Similarly
, 30 % are
also
saving nature from pollution as cycle does not contribute pollution.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
12% gave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
as it is faster than driving.

On the other hand
, two-fifth of individuals find comfort in car which is the highest among all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The two least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by car, with 14% and 11%
respectively
, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to carry things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and that it is safer than cycling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.

IELTS academic The first pie chart illustrates why individuals travel to vocation by bicycle. On the other hand, second pie chart describes the reasons why people go to work by car.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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