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The bar chart illustrate the information about the total number of minutes of telephone calls which was used by three different categories in Finland

The bar chart illustrate the information about the total number of minutes of telephone calls which was used by three different categories in Finland NlOPj
The bar chart illustrates the information about the total number of minutes of telephone calls which were used by three different categories from 1995 to 2004. The data is calibrated in millions. Commencing at 12000 millions minutes, which were utilised by local land line, while from 1996 to 2001 this amount increased slightly approximately from 13000 million to 1 700 million. After that, there was downward trend noticed in last three years and the number of minutes stayed at 1200 million in 2004. Probing further, the number of minutes which were spent by national and international landline and mobile was 6000 millions and almost 1000 million respectively, in beginning years. Interestingly, both categories national and international landline and mobile showed upward trend till 2004. In case of former, it rose to 1000 million minutes and latter was below 1000 millions minutes. To conclude, it is analysed from above discussion that although in starting years people of Finland preferred to use more local landline, but in ending years they started using national and international land line and mobile.
The bar chart illustrates the information about the total number of minutes of telephone calls which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories from 1995 to 2004. The data
is calibrated
in millions.

Commencing at 12000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
minutes, which were
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by local land line, while from 1996 to 2001 this amount increased
slightly
approximately from 13000
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million
to 1 700
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million
. After that, there was downward trend noticed in last three years and the number of minutes stayed at 1200
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million
in 2004.

Probing
further
, the number of minutes which
were spent
by national and international landline and mobile was 6000
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millions
and almost 1000
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million
respectively
, in beginning years.
Interestingly
, both categories national and international landline and mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trend till 2004. In case of former, it rose to 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
minutes and latter was below 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
minutes.

To conclude
, it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
from above discussion that although in starting years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Finland preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more local landline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in ending years they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using national and international land line and mobile.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrate the information about the total number of minutes of telephone calls which was used by three different categories in Finland

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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