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The bar chart gives information concerning the postgraduate courses chosen at British universities by gender in 2012.

The bar chart gives information concerning the postgraduate courses chosen at British universities by gender in 2012. 9LkG0
The bar graph depicts the data bout the number of men and women who were concerning to chosen the postgraduate courses at two British academies in 2012. It is vivid that, the maximum number of girls students chosen to arts in a British university in 2012 with 4. 7 thousands whereas, the highest number of male students preferred to the science subject in British universities about 4. 5 thousands in 2012. In similarity, a nearly similar number of students of both genders chosen to law and maths subject in Canadian universities in 2012 approximately 1. 8, 3. 2 and 2. 0 thousands. Probing further, a large number of female pupils chosen to languages per three thousand more than male students in two British universities with 1. 7 and 4. 5 thousands in 2012. In 2012, the minimum number of male students selected to languages in British universities with less than 2 thousands. Overall, the highest number of girls selected to arts subject in British universities whereas, the least number of boys chosen to languages subject in British universities.
The bar graph depicts the data bout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
were concerning
Did you mean "to choose"?
to chosen
the postgraduate courses at two British academies in 2012.

It is vivid that, the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of girls
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students
chosen to arts in a British
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university
in 2012 with 4. 7 thousands whereas, the highest
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number
of male
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students
preferred to the science
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subject
in British
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universities
about 4. 5 thousands in 2012. In similarity, a
nearly
similar
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of both genders chosen to law and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
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subject
in Canadian
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universities
in 2012 approximately 1. 8, 3. 2 and 2. 0 thousands.

Probing
further
, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female pupils chosen to languages per three thousand more than male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in two British
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universities
with 1. 7 and 4. 5 thousands in 2012. In 2012, the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
selected to languages in British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
with less than 2 thousands.

Overall
, the highest
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number
of girls selected to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "art".
arts
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subject
in British
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universities
whereas, the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of boys chosen to languages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart gives information concerning the postgraduate courses chosen at British universities by gender in 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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