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the bar chart display the survey result of people's buying and drinking coffee and tea in five australian cities

the bar chart display the survey result of people's buying and drinking coffee and tea in five australian cities N8xMj
The bar chart presents information about the percentage of survey results of people’s habits on buying and drinking coffee and tea in five Australian cities (Sidney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart). Generally, most people in those cities went to café for coffee or tea whereas fewer people bought fresh coffee. Following this data, in Melbourne, the majority of people who went to coffee shops for drinking in the last 4 weeks reached nearly two-third (64%). While Sydney and Hobart were slightly different at approximately 63% and Brisbane just over a half (56%). The last position is Adelaide with almost a half (49%). On the other hand, people who bought instant coffee in the last 4 weeks in the five cities are not more than 55%. Hobart reached the highest percentage with nearly 55%. Following this, Brisbane and Adelaide around a half. The last position, Sydney and Melbourne, is less than a half. Surprisingly, less of people who bought fresh coffee in the last 4 weeks in all of cities with below than 45%. Sydney and Melbourne were a bit different at approximately 43%. The other cities like Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart below 40%.
The bar chart presents information about the percentage of survey results of
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people’s
habits on buying and drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea in five Australian
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cities
(Sidney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart).

Generally
, most
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people
in those
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cities
went to café for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
or tea whereas fewer
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
fresh coffee.

Following this data, in Melbourne, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
shops for drinking in the last 4 weeks reached
nearly
two-third (64%). While Sydney and Hobart were
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
at approximately 63% and Brisbane
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a half (56%). The last position is Adelaide with almost a half (49%).

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in the last 4 weeks in the five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are not more than 55%. Hobart reached the highest percentage with
nearly
55%. Following this, Brisbane and Adelaide around a half. The last position, Sydney and Melbourne, is less than a half.

Surprisingly
, less of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in the last 4 weeks in all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
with below than 45%. Sydney and Melbourne were a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
at approximately 43%. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
like Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart below 40%.

IELTS academic the bar chart display the survey result of people's buying and drinking coffee and tea in five australian cities

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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