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The bar chart compares the proportion of older people in three different countries

The bar chart compares the proportion of older people in three different countries gADg3
The bar chart compares the proportion of older people in three different countries likely Canada, German, Uk in1980, 2000 and 2030. It can be seen from the graph that, the percentage of elderly citizens in three countries grew significantly. Furthermore there will be a increase in the percentage of population 65 and over in the future. In additon, it is expected that the figure for older people in Canada will account for the higher figure than elderly in Uk. In 1980, the highest elderly rate in Germany stood at 15%. The figures for Canada and Uk were lower, at about 10% and 13% respectively. However, in 2000 the percentage of older people in Canada rose rapidly, reached to 15%. While the rate of population 65 and over in Uk saw a slightly rise. There was a close resemblance between the figures for canada and Uk, stood at 15% in 2000. In 2030, the expectation is that the elderly rate in German will hit the highest point, at 25%. Meanwhile, the proportion of senior citizens from Canada is predicted to experience a remarkable incline, around 22%. Moreover It will be anticipated higher than Uk.
The bar chart compares the proportion of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries likely Canada, German,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
in1980, 2000 and 2030.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
citizens in three countries grew
significantly
.
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Furthermore
there will be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increase in the percentage of population 65 and over in the future. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
additon
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Canada will account for the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
.

In 1980, the highest
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elderly
rate in Germany stood at 15%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for Canada and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
were lower, at about 10% and 13%
respectively
.
However
, in 2000 the percentage of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Canada rose
rapidly
, reached to 15%. While the rate of population 65 and over in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
slightly rise
. There was a close resemblance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
, stood at 15% in 2000.

In 2030, the expectation is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
rate in German will hit the highest point, at 25%. Meanwhile, the proportion of senior citizens from Canada
is predicted
to experience a remarkable incline, around 22%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
It will
be anticipated
higher than
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart compares the proportion of older people in three different countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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