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The bar chart Compares the information regarding two types of TV program

The bar chart Compares the information regarding two types of TV program ewD1p
The bar chart Compares the information regarding two types of TV shows watched by male and female and four distinct age groups in Australia. Overall, it is evident from the comparison that TV programs watched by females are higher than males, while above 45 years old people more likely to watch shows. To begin with, the females are watched reality show around 70 %, which is double then male. However the game shows watched by men and womens appaoximately identical(60%). On the other hand, the age above 45 year old Australians are spend most time to watch Television shows which is similar to 70% for both 45 shows. Furthermore, the age of 25-34 year old citizens are watch reality shows around 60% and the game shows roughly 38 %. Apart from this, the group of  35-44 years Australians are watch reality shows (65%) and game shows(41%). Lastly, both shows watching by 16-24 years old group are just above 50%.
The bar chart Compares the information regarding two types of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by male and female and four distinct age groups in Australia.

Overall
, it is evident from the comparison that TV programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by females are higher than males, while above 45 years
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old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the females are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
around 70 %, which is double then male.
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However
the game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
Possible spelling mistake found.
appaoximately
identical(60%).
On the other hand
, the age above 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Australians are
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
most time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
which is similar to 70% for both 45
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

Furthermore
, the age of 25-34
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year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizens are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
around 60% and the game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
roughly 38 %. Apart from this, the group of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
35-44 years Australians are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
(65%) and game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows(41%)
.
Lastly
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
watching by 16-24 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
group are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 50%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart Compares the information regarding two types of TV program

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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