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The bar chart compares the amounts of money invested in bonds and stocks in terms of billion dollars

The bar chart compares the amounts of money invested in bonds and stocks in terms of billion dollars Gego
The bar chart compares the amounts of money invested in bonds and stocks in terms of billion dollars from 2001 up to 2006. It can be obviously seen that investing in stocks was higher than bonds in all years. As regards with the money invested in stock market, it can be deduced that, the inflow of liquidity into the market increased every year. And the people preferred to invest their money in stock than bonds. In addition, last years had most high investment of each year in both of stock and bond: 311 and 188 in 2006 respectively. And for the 2001, it had lowest investment in stock and bond. Although the investment in bond gently went up, investment in stocks it was faster than it which causes more difference between the inflow of liquidity into the stock and bond during the period. To sum up, the both of them were upward and the stock became more valued and popular for investment for the people which invested in stock markets from 2001 to 2006.
The bar chart compares the amounts of money invested in bonds and stocks in terms of billion dollars from 2001 up to 2006. It can be
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that investing in stocks was higher than bonds in all years.

As regards with the money invested in stock market, it can
be deduced
that, the inflow of liquidity into the market increased every year. And the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred to invest their money in stock than bonds.
In addition
, last years had most high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
of each year in both of stock and bond: 311 and 188 in 2006
respectively
. And for the 2001, it had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in stock and bond. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in bond
gently
went up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in stocks it was faster than it which causes more difference between the inflow of liquidity into the stock and bond during the period.

To sum up, the both of them were upward and the stock became more valued and popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which invested in stock markets from 2001 to 2006.

IELTS academic The bar chart compares the amounts of money invested in bonds and stocks in terms of billion dollars

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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