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The bar chart below shows the resukts of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance

The bar graph illustrate the results of a sample collected by most company department personnel in the people of aged 18 to 30 and 45-60. The chart also demonstrate factors influence the work performance consisting of team spirit, chance for personal development, relaxed working environment, competent boss, job security, respect from colleagues, promotion prospects, job sastifaction, work environment and money. Overall, both group age above 50% consider team spirit and money as agreat influence on their performances. However, chance for developing personnel, relaxed working environment, and promotion prospects can be clearly seen that it was being concerned by most people at age between 18 to 30. In contrast, the factors affected people at over 45 is not as much as another group. Specifically, around 80% and over of people aged 18 to 30, voted chance for personal development, relaxed working surrounding and promotion prospects as the greatest influences. In the contrary, roughly 30% of people thought that work environment did not affected that much. Turning to people over 45, approximately 50% mostly focuses on money they have earned as the major influence. Conversely, job security has the least consideration from this age group people at around 20% which is the least common among all factors of all aged group.
The bar graph illustrate the results of a sample collected by most
company
department personnel in the
people
of aged 18 to 30 and 45-60. The chart
also
demonstrate factors
influence
the work performance consisting of team spirit, chance for personal development, relaxed working
environment
, competent boss, job security, respect from colleagues, promotion prospects, job
sastifaction
, work
environment
and money.

Overall
, both group age above 50% consider team spirit and money as
agreat
influence
on their performances.
However
, chance for developing personnel, relaxed working
environment
, and promotion prospects can be
clearly
seen
that it was
being concerned
by most
people
at age
between 18 to 30
.
In contrast
, the factors
affected
people
at over 45 is not as much as another group.

Specifically
, around 80% and over of
people
aged 18 to 30, voted chance for personal development, relaxed working surrounding and promotion prospects as the greatest
influences
. In the contrary, roughly 30% of
people
thought
that work
environment
did not
affected
that much.

Turning to
people
over 45, approximately 50%
mostly
focuses on money they have earned as the major
influence
.
Conversely
, job security has the least consideration from this age group
people
at around 20% which is the least common among all factors of all aged group.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the resukts of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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