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The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who found employment within 6 month of graduation over seven subject areas in 1995 and 2005 in Molovia

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who found employment within 6 month of graduation over seven subject areas in 1995 and 2005 in Molovia 92Q0
The bar graph illustrated the proportion of those who had graduated, who found job within the first half year after graduating over seven majors in 1995 and one decade after. Overall, occupation declined over the period, growing only Computer Science and Science professions. Graduates who during half a year after graduate employment in 1995 were the most sought than 2005 years. Basically, professions of Computer Science, Business and Law close to 90% gain occupations in these seven fields of study. But in 2005 years there were fewer jobs available in most areas, except for the two professions. Among the graduates have become popular Computer Science and Science occupations who increased for 5%.
The bar graph illustrated the proportion of those
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who
had graduated,
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who
found job within the
first
half
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year
after graduating over seven majors in 1995 and one decade after.
Overall
, occupation declined over the period, growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Computer
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Science
and
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Science
professions.

Graduates
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who
during half a
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year
after graduate employment in 1995 were the most sought than 2005 years.
Basically
, professions of Computer
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Science
, Business and Law close to 90% gain occupations in these seven fields of study.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 2005 years there were fewer jobs available in most areas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the two professions. Among the graduates have become popular Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
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Science
occupations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
increased for 5%.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who found employment within 6 month of graduation over seven subject areas in 1995 and 2005 in Molovia

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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