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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. MjKp
A glance at the bar graph provided reveals the comparison between the percentage of male and female in Australia in different age groups who participate in physical activities regularly in 2010. It is clear that while men enjoy sport more than women in their early life, Autralia female spend more time doing exercise than them in the middle stage and over. The most noticeable characteristic of the chart is that between 25 and 64, the proportion of playing sport women is considerably higher than that of men, ranging from 48, 9 to 53, 3 percent, with the difference percentage of 6 to 13 percent. Meanwhile, the ratio of the women over 65 taking physical activities is narrowly followed by that of the same age group men with only 0. 4 percent shorter. On the other hand, this rate in the 15 to 24 age group experienced a sharp contrast in terms of trend compared to the others. The chart shows that men before and in their early 20s have a tendency to work out more than their counterpart, with 5, 1 percent higher.
A glance at the bar graph provided reveals the comparison between the percentage of male and female in Australia in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups who participate in physical activities
regularly
in 2010. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that while
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men
enjoy sport more than women in their early life,
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Autralia
female spend more time doing exercise than them in the middle stage and over.

The most noticeable characteristic of the chart is that between 25 and 64, the proportion of playing sport women is
considerably
higher than that of
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men
, ranging from 48, 9 to 53, 3
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percent
, with the difference percentage of 6 to 13
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Meanwhile, the ratio of the women over 65 taking physical activities is
narrowly
followed by that of the same age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
shorter.

On the other hand
, this rate in the 15 to 24 age group experienced a sharp contrast in terms of trend compared to the others. The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and in their early 20s have a tendency to work out more than their counterpart, with 5, 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
higher.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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