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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australia men and women

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australia men and women EN6XD
Firstly in the age group of 15to24 male was more active with ratio of 52. 8% than female with 47. 7%. in the year of 2010. combined the age group of 25to44 physical activity in male downfall approximately 9% to 10%. on the other hand female daily exercise raised estimated 4% to 6%. In the peer group of 45 to 54 the proportion of female in regular exercise gradually hiked to 53% which was highest in rest of the age groups whilst men stand to 43%. Trail to age group of 55 to 64 we can see little bit change in ratio of male and female as compared to age range 35 to 44. in the end golden age gender active same with fraction 47%
Firstly
in the
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age
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group
of 15to24 male was more active with ratio of 52. 8% than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
with 47. 7%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the year of 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
combined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 25to44 physical activity in male downfall approximately 9% to 10%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
daily exercise raised estimated 4% to 6%. In the peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 45 to 54 the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in regular exercise
gradually
hiked to 53% which was highest in rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
whilst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
stand to 43%. Trail to
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 55 to 64 we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in ratio of male and
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female
as compared to
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age
range 35 to 44.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gender active same with fraction 47%

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australia men and women

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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