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difference between the structure of park in 1920 and today

difference between the structure of park in 1920 and today EN6kL
The map illustrates the development done in Grange Park which was inaugurated in 1920 and discrepancy is shown between its 1920 and present model. During the year 1920, there were 3 rose gardens by the side of each entrance whereas, after annihilation and reconstruction only 2 rose gardens are left, one being the cynosure of the park with seats around it and the other next to Arnold Avenue entrance. Approximately 100 years ago, the park was having a stage for musicians but now it has a splendid amphitheatre for concerts just next to the rose garden. Moreover, in the year 1920, there was a fountain in the centre of the park but it was eradicated and superseded by a man-made waterfall. Besides this, there was no café and underground parking in 1920 but at present, the park has both which are considered as one of the pertinent features of the venue. Henceforth, it can be reiterated that since 1920, an ample of modifications took place which makes it more resplendent and this too surge the tourist visit in the park.
The map illustrates the development done in Grange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
which
was inaugurated
in 1920 and discrepancy
is shown
between its 1920 and present model.

During the year 1920, there were 3 rose gardens by the side of each entrance whereas, after annihilation and reconstruction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 rose gardens are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, one being the cynosure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with seats around it and the other
next
to Arnold Avenue entrance. Approximately 100 years ago, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was having a stage for musicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it has a splendid
Possible spelling mistake. 'amphitheatre' is British English.
amphitheatre
for concerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
next
to the rose garden.

Moreover
, in the year 1920, there was a fountain in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
was eradicated
and superseded by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made waterfall.
Besides
this, there was no café and underground parking in 1920
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at present, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
has both which
are considered
as one of the pertinent features of the venue.

Henceforth, it can
be reiterated
that since 1920,
The phrase 'an ample of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an ample of
modifications took place which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more resplendent and this
Did you mean "to surge"?
too surge
the tourist visit in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.
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IELTS academic difference between the structure of park in 1920 and today

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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