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The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activuty in2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activuty in2010 M2AL
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women of 6 different age groups exercising regularly in2010 in Australia. Overall, it can be seen that women were more physically active than men in all age groups except one which was 15 to 24years which shows women were aware of health in middle age group. Furthermore, exercise done by old age men and women was almost same which was just below to 50%. The proportion of exercise done by females was just above to 50% in the age group between 35 to 64 years whereas in case of males it was less which was around 45%. Significant difference can be seen in age group of 35 to 44years, where men as compared to women were less physically active (39. 5% and 52. 5% respectively). On contrast, in age group of 15 to 24 years exercise done by men was more than that of women which was 52. 8% and 47. 7% respectively. The physical activity done by both male and female in 65+ age group was almost same which was nearly 47%.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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men
and
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women
of 6
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different
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age
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groups
exercising
regularly
in2010 in Australia.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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women
were more
physically
active than
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men
in all
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age
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groups
except one which was 15 to 24years which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
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women
were aware of health in middle
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age
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group
.
Furthermore
, exercise done by
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old
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
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women
was almost same which was
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just
below to 50%. The proportion of exercise done by females was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above to 50% in the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 64".
between 35 to 64
years whereas in case of males it was less which was around 45%. Significant difference can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 35 to 44years, where
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men
as compared to
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women
were less
physically
active (39. 5% and 52. 5%
respectively
). On contrast, in
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 15 to 24 years exercise done by
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men
was more than that of
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women
which was 52. 8% and 47. 7%
respectively
. The physical activity done by both male and female in 65+
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was almost same which was
nearly
47%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activuty in2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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