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The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019. e05B
This chart depicts the total employment in 5 sectors ( sports, travel, hotel, culture, food) in 2 years 2009 and 2019The 2 bars in the chart shows the number of total employment in all the 5 sectors in both the years. In 2009 sports sector employed 284. 7(thousand) employee's which rose to 345. 7(thousand) in 2019 Although, The hotel sector also increased the number employee's to 306. 0(thousand) in 2019 from 299. 2(thousand) in 2009. Meanwhile travel and food sector has also shown a promising increase in their jobs. It increased to 114. 2(thousand) and 357. 7(thousand) in 2019 from 60. 9(thousand) and 283. 4(thousand) in 2009. Focusing on the cultural sector, it shown a decline in the employment to be precise it dropped from 82. 8(thousand) in 2009 toh 77. 4(thousand) in 2019.
This chart depicts the total employment in 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
sports, travel, hotel, culture, food) in 2 years 2009 and 2019The 2 bars in the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of total employment in all the 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in both the years. In 2009 sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
employed 284. 7(thousand) employee's which rose to 345. 7(thousand) in 2019 Although, The hotel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
also
increased the number employee's to 306. 0(thousand) in 2019 from 299. 2(thousand) in 2009.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
travel and food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
has
also
shown a promising increase in their jobs. It increased to 114. 2(thousand) and 357. 7(thousand) in 2019 from 60. 9(thousand) and 283. 4(thousand) in 2009. Focusing on the cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, it
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "showed"?
shown
a decline in the employment to be precise it dropped from 82. 8(thousand) in 2009
Possible spelling mistake found.
toh
77. 4(thousand) in 2019.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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