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the bar chart below gives some information about science qualification held by people in Malaysia and Singapore

the bar chart below gives some information about science qualification held by people in Malaysia and Singapore EpOaL
the bar chart compares the education level of people who are living in the Malaysia and Singapore. Overall, based on the chart more than 60% of the people of both countries do not have qualification in science. However, only 5% have master's degree. It is clear that the number of people who study up to master's degree, share the same percentages in Malaysia and Singapore (about 5%). In addition, 10% of adults in Malaysia have bachelor's degree and 20% of Singaporean have this grade, that means the percentages of bachelor's degree in Singapore is 10% more than Malaysia. About 35% of Malaysian and 30% of Singaporeans leave their school on exams. Also, the highest percentages of this chart belong to do not have qualification in both countries. The majority of the individuals in Malaysia do not have qualification in science (65% of them). Beside, 60% people in Singapore do not have qualification in science. Which is 5% lower than Malaysian.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar chart compares the education level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in the Malaysia and Singapore.

Overall
, based on the chart more than 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of both countries do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
in science.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% have master's degree.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who study up to master's degree, share the same percentages in Malaysia and Singapore (about 5%).
In addition
, 10% of adults in Malaysia have bachelor's degree and 20% of Singaporean have this grade, that means the percentages of bachelor's degree in Singapore is 10% more than Malaysia.

About 35% of Malaysian and 30% of Singaporeans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their school on exams.
Also
, the highest percentages of this chart belong to do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
in both countries. The majority of the individuals in Malaysia do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
in science (65% of them). Beside, 60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Singapore do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
in science.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is 5% lower than Malaysian.
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IELTS academic the bar chart below gives some information about science qualification held by people in Malaysia and Singapore

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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