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The bar chart about literacy in the world

The bar chart about literacy in the world gbPV7
The bar chart shows the level of literacy in the world for men and women in 2011. The horizontal ax is different reigions and the vertical ax is percentage of literacy. The difference between men and women shows with color. The green is for male, and the blue is belong to female. This chart divide the world to seven regions. According to the chart, two regions are parallel in gender and they are the highest percentage of literacy in the whole world. The highest percentage of literacy belongs to Central Asia that is nearby 100 percentage, and the lowest belongs to Sub-Saharan Africa. In the least literacy region, the percentage of the women that know reading and writing is 60%. South and West Asia show the biggest distance of literacy between men and women.
The bar chart
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shows
the level of
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literacy
in the world for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
in 2011. The horizontal ax is
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different
Possible spelling mistake found.
reigions
and the vertical ax is
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percentage
of
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literacy
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
with color.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
green is for male, and the blue is
Consider using a past participle here: "belonged".
belong
to female. This chart divide the world to seven regions. According to the chart, two regions are parallel in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gender and
they are the highest
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percentage
of
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literacy
in the whole world. The highest
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percentage
of
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literacy
belongs to Central Asia
that is
nearby 100
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percentage
, and the lowest belongs to Sub-Saharan Africa. In the least
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literacy
region, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of the
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women
that know reading and writing is 60%. South and West Asia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the biggest distance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart about literacy in the world

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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