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the amount of money spent on bills in the years mentioned

the amount of money spent on bills in the years mentioned aqB39
The bar chart illustrates the amount of money spent on the following, utility bills, transport, rent, entertainment and groceries in the years mentioned 1990, 2000 and 2010. Each year is represented in three different colors and the units are given in pounds, sterling. To begin with, it started off as the lowest in the year 1990 but only for utility bills whereas, it was at its peak when people had to pay rent with a given amount of 450 pounds sterling. In the year 1990, majority of the people paid rent and brought groceries whilst entertainment and utility bills were not spent on. Not to mention, people spent about 310-450 on groceries and rent. Secondly, in the following year 2000 the highest was rent as usual and the lowest were utility bills. However, rent was new increased by 250 pounds whereas entertainment remained constant. Groceries remained within the 300 mark and transport rose which then crossed the 200 mark. Which proves that majority of the people spent their money on rent and then groceries than entertainment, transport and utility bills. Finally, the year 2010 was relatively similar in terms of rent being the highest, but utility bills had a high-rise and now crossed the 100 pound mark by at least 50 pounds. Besides, entertainment now had a drop and was exactly at the 100 pound mark. Very few people now spent on entertainment compared to the last 2 years. Overall, rent was at its peak in the chart shown with 600 being the highest and rent being the only one reaching that mark.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on the following,
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utility
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bills
, transport,
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rent
, entertainment and groceries in the years mentioned 1990, 2000 and 2010. Each
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year
is represented
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
colors and the units are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in pounds, sterling.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
off as the lowest in the
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year
1990
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
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bills
whereas, it was at its peak when
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people
had to pay
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rent
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
amount of
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
450 pounds
sterling. In the
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year
1990,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
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people
paid
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rent
and brought groceries whilst entertainment and
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utility
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bills
were not
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spent
on. Not to mention,
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people
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spent
about 310-450 on groceries and rent.

Secondly
, in the following
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year
2000 the highest was
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rent
as usual and the lowest were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
was new increased by
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
250 pounds
whereas entertainment remained constant. Groceries remained within the 300
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mark
and transport rose which then crossed the 200
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mark
. Which proves that majority of the
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people
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spent
their money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
and then groceries than entertainment, transport and
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utility
bills.

Finally
, the
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year
2010 was
relatively
similar in terms of
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rent
being the highest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
had a high-rise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
crossed the
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
100 pound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mark
by at least
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
50 pounds
.
Besides
, entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
had a drop and was exactly at the
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
100 pound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mark
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
few
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on entertainment compared to the last 2 years.
Overall
,
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rent
was at its peak in the chart shown with 600 being the highest and
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rent
being the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one reaching that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mark
.
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IELTS academic the amount of money spent on bills in the years mentioned

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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