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task 1 essay based on the bar chart.....

task 1 essay based on the bar chart. . . . . pJbYL

The sales of various types of digital plays are illustrated in the bar chart between 2000 to 2006 all over the world. Overall, the highest rate were marked by handheld games in 6 years. According to the chart, mobile and online games did not appear in 2000, in a light of the fact that, in these years the technologies were committing to develop just. In 2001, online games were appearing in a bit of amount. Mobile phone games are exactly the same as online games after a year. The number of online games is increased sharply from 2002 to 2006. Due to the fact that machines are improving. It is clear from the chart that, after online games have gone up, the level of console games decreased. Thereby, all people are big fan of the things that depend on the internet. On the contrary, the handheld games are placing the more enormous part of the chart. To my mind, they might be more interesting than all types of entertainment.

The sales of various types of digital plays are illustrated
 in the bar You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
Use "between" + "and" not "to."  Try this: "between 2000 and 2006".between 2000 and 2006
between 2000 to 2006
 all over the world. Overall
, the highest rate were marked
 by handheld You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 in 6 years.

According to the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
, mobile and You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwirednetworked
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 did not appear in 2000, in a light of the fact that, in these years the technologies were committing to develop This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:merely
just
. In 2001, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwirednetworked
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
were appearing
 in a bit of amount. Mobile phone You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 are exactly the same as You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwirednetworked
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 after a year. The number of You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwirednetworked
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
is increased
sharply
 from 2002 to 2006. Due to the fact that machines are improving.

It is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :apparent
clear
 from the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
 that, after You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwirednetworked
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 have gone up, the level of console You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 decreased. Thereby, all This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:hugeenormousgiganticvast
big
 fan of the things that depend on the internet. On the contrary
, the handheld You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 are placing the more enormous part of the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
. To my mind, they might be more interesting than all types of entertainment. 