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Bar graph show the number of males and females take part in classes and Pie graph shows the age group

Bar graph show the number of males and females take part in classes and Pie graph shows the age group GwQge
The first chart shows how many males and females took part in a variety of courses in the evening at an adult education centre in 2009, and the second chart illustrates the age range of these attendees. In general, more women engaging in all courses except sculpture while people in the 50 or over age group were more interested in these classes. With regards to the bar graph, the most popular class is Language which witnessed the highest number of women with exactly 40 participants, and this number was twice as the number of men. Similarly, the number of males was doubled by women in Drama with precisely 10 attendees. In painting, the figure for females was also higher with exactly 30 people; however, in Sculpture, males outnumbered females with 10 and 5 people respectively. Regarding the pie graph, the greatest number of participants were 50 and over, which made up 42% and was noticeably higher than the figure for people in their forties, with 26%. In addition, the rate of attendees in their thirties and twenties just accounted for 16% and 11% respectively, and only 5% of people under 20.
The
first
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
males and females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in a variety of courses in the evening at an adult education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in 2009, and the second chart illustrates the age range of these attendees.

In general
, more women engaging in all courses except sculpture while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the 50 or over age group were more interested in these classes.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the bar graph, the most popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is Language which witnessed the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women with exactly 40 participants, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was twice as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males
was doubled
by women in Drama with
precisely
10 attendees. In painting, the figure for females was
also
higher with exactly 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
however
, in Sculpture, males outnumbered females with 10 and 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respectively
.

Regarding the pie graph, the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participants were 50 and over, which made up 42% and was
noticeably
higher than the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their forties, with 26%.
In addition
, the rate of attendees in their thirties and twenties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accounted for 16% and 11%
respectively
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 20.
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IELTS academic Bar graph show the number of males and females take part in classes and Pie graph shows the age group

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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